I was reading The Damnation Game by Clive Barker and in it there’s a charcter who is obsessed with porn and in listing his collection Clive mentions “romantic” porn.
Curious if such a thing existed I Googled it briefly. As you might expect all I found was normal porn and gay porn labeled “porn for women.” But it got me thinking about why such a thing doesn’t exist, and if not why not?
It’s a hugely complicated issue when I spent a moment on it. Basically it has to do with the real purpose of why society openly tolerates porn in it’s current form now. Porn’s real function is not to satisfy sexual appetite but to exacerbate and shape it.
Porn always has a lot missing. And before you say “well yeah that’s because it’s porn” I say well still there’s a gap that logically should be jumped. In romantic comedies and mainstream movies romance always comes with trials. The men always have to earn the sex (and more importantly the approval and affection) in some way. But humans like the idea of getting something for nothing. There should be media to cater to that fantasy, that reward of affection and approval without saying why, or saying why in some vague and universally applicable way, for example just because the lead is male, which is what some fundamentalist types are often after. A culture where they are accepted by default for being born the way they are, as males.
Seduction for its own sake while tremendously common among actual men and women would also be a theme that should be common if porn was actually about fulfilling a need and not making it worse. Contrary to what the TV would tell you, women do occasionally seduce men for what amounts to altruistic purposes. Women also positively respond to direct questions and requests in this context from time to time, but again that never makes the boob tube because the point of romantic comedies and TV relationships in general is to train men to be obedient workers and to train women to be compliant (to the will of the TV) hall monitors and prison trustees.
The gap is between the earning of the romantic comedy and the sloppy unsatisfying reward of pornography. We all know that sex is the implied reward of fulfilling the masculine end of the gender spectrum’s social contract, but there is more, a romantic, emotional element that has been suppressed along with the rest of the male emotional spectrum. Indeed among a man’s assets when listed in an attempt to display his worth is often explicitly stated in relation to the sex appeal of his wife. “He had a beautiful wife and loving children” or the like.
There should exist in media the reward segment that falls between these positions. Or depictions of the kind of conquests real men and boy fantasize about, even attempt, but rarely if ever accomplish. For me it would be very direct, new girl shows up, events conspire to produce time alone, conversation happens and they go from there, but in the missing media it would be idealized. Love/lust at first sight, only with a normal looking human.
The dialog would ideally be crafted to cater to insecure men. Twisting the situation and the female’s responses such that common “mistakes” become advantages. Failure morphed into success.
Instant girlfriend, not just sloppy sex with cookie cutter script and ugly french fingernails. And don’t talk to me about soft core porn because that’s just models or over the top crappy “skinemax” type movies.
There are things that come close of course. Red shoe diaries, a small (official?) part of the Emmanuelle series, the Story of O, Secretary and some hentai. Also in my opinion, Dream On, and in some ways, Californication. But I’m thinking romantic porn should be a full fledged subtype. And these examples always struggle to justify the acceptance, or to gloss over its absence with some sort of distraction. Story of O for instance we’re never told really why O has such fanatical devotion for her man but he’s depicted as handsome and painfully rich and if that’s not distracting enough we have the entire BDSM element to shock us away from thinking about it.
A video simulation of all the positive aspects of having a girlfriend should be a sizable market. A video that makes lonely guys feel not just indulged, but wanted, successful, as people. Depictions of worlds where they are fulfilled and enjoyed, worlds where the guy not capable of being the hero, ugly or not, nerd or solidergod, “finds someone”.
If nothing else it surprises me that there aren’t male chauvinist themed porno films. Like, over the top 1950s good house keeping meets Jenna Jamison. Now I don’t mean the 5 seconds of back story on some porn movies, I mean like selling a whole world to the viewer populated with fantasies. Just look at how everyone is reacting to Madmen. You can’t tell me that’s not 90% attributable to a depiction of a world full of sexy ladies content to be “the little woman”.
I think the reason romantic porn of these types, media that fills the gap, doesn’t exist is precisely because it could exist so easily. I think that gap is there so that men are induced to seek it in real life “no matter the cost” as per their television and sexual stereotype instructions. Given some men’s reaction to sex dolls and hentai, I think it’s clear that an extensive romantic porno collection could provide some men with everything they need, perhaps a substantially larger portion of men then the current social picture of a artificially satisfied man, the loner pervo image, would suggest, or is comfortable with. In much the same way that a good horror movie collection plus video games is more than adequate to the task of satisfying our more violent impulses.
There is also the fact that porn of this type would require actresses capable of selling the impression that they strongly like the lead male without having any idea why. Seeing that done without having some excuse to “justify” that emotion could seriously damage some people’s world view.
Showing an actress perfectly mimicking how your girlfriend or wife actually treats you when you’re home alone and happy could make you a little paranoid. And in a society with an economy based on monogamy and sexy female approval/permission as the end all be all achievement, that could cause some SERIOUS problems.
I think that’s exactly what they don’t want. And the rest of my blog explains why.
